Norm's beerful observations
Normisms
(also plenty of Norm wav's here)
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SAM: "What's new, Normie?" NORM: "Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach & they're demanding beer." |
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ELDERLY SAM: "What's up, Norm?" ELDERLY NORM: "Me, about thirty times a night." |
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WOODY: "Hey, Mr. Peterson, how's life?" NORM: "Well, the plot's okay, Woody, but it kind of falls apart at the end." |
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SAM: "Beer Norm?" NORM: "Does a rag doll have cloth knobs?" |
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COACH: "Beer, Norm?" NORM: "Naah, I'd probably just drink it." |
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SAM: "Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary." NORM: "And I need a beer to wash him down." |
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WOODY: "Hey, Mr. Peterson, what do you say to a cold one?" NORM: "See you later, Vera, I'll be at Cheers." |
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COACH: "How's life, Norm?" NORM: "Not for the squeamish, Coach." |
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SAM: "How's life Norm?" NORM: "Ask a man who's got one." |
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WOODY: "How are you today, Mr. Peterson?" NORM: "Never been better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be better." |
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COACH: "What's doing, Norm?" NORM: "Well, science is seeking a cure for thirst. I happen to be the guinea pig." |
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SAM: "Beer, Norm?" NORM: "Have I gotten that predictable? Good." |
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WOODY: "How's it going, Mr. Peterson?" NORM: "Poor. WOODY: "I'm sorry to hear that." NORM: "No, I mean pour." |
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WOODY: "Hey, Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you." NORM: "I know. If she calls, I'm not here." |
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SAM: "What'd you like, Normie?" NORM: "A reason to live. Give me another beer." |
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SAM: "What'll you have Normie?" NORM: "Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap." SAM: "Looks like beer, Norm." NORM: "Call me Mister Lucky." |
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WOODY: "What's the story, Mr. Peterson?" NORM: "The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending." |
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SAM: "What's going down, Normie?" NORM: "My butt cheeks on that bar stool." |
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WOODY: "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?" NORM: "All right, but stop me at one. Make that one-thirty." |
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SAM: "What's the story, Norm?" NORM: "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer." |
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WOODY: "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?" NORM: "The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody." |
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WOODY: "Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?" NORM: "A little early isn't it, Woody?" WOODY: "For a beer?" NORM: "No, for stupid questions." |
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COACH: "Can I draw you a beer Norm?" NORM: "No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one." |
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COACH: "How's a beer sound Norm?" NORM: "I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in." |
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COACH: "What's shakin Norm?" NORM: "All four cheeks and a couple of chins." |
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COACH: "What'll it be Normie?" NORM: "Just the usual Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel." |
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WOODY: "Whattya say Norm?" NORM: "Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer." |
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SAM: "What would you say to a beer Norm?" NORM: "Hi ya sailor. New in town?" |
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(Coming in from the rain) NORM: "Evening everybody" EVERYBODY: "Norm!!!" SAM: "Still pouring Norm?" NORM: "That's funny I was about to ask the same thing." |
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PAUL: "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?" NORM: "Like a baby treats a diaper." |
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WOODY: "What's going on Mr Peterson?" NORM: "Another layer for the winter, Wood." |
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SAM: "Whatcha up to Norm?" NORM: "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall." |
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WOODY: "How's it going Mr Peterson?" NORM: "It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear." |
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SAM: "How's about a beer, Norm?" NORM: "That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it." |
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COACH: "How about a beer, Norm?" NORM: "Hey, I'm high on life, Coach ... Of course, beer is my life." |
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COACH: "What's up, Norm?" NORM: "Corners of my mouth, Coach." |
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COACH: "Beer, Normie?" NORM: "Uh, Coach, I dunno, I had one this week. Eh, why not, I'm still young." |
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COACH: "Normie, Normie, could this be Vera?" NORM: "With a lot of expensive surgery, maybe." |
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COACH: "What's up, Normie?" NORM: "The temperature under my collar, Coach." |
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COACH: "What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?" NORM: "Goin down?" |
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COACH: "What's up, Norm?" NORM: "Everything that's supposed to be." |
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(Norm comes in depressed. He just stands in the door with a sullen face.) NORM: [mutters]"Afternoon, everybody." ALL: "Norm?" ("Norman?") |
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COACH: "What would you say to a beer, Normie?" NORM: "Daddy wuvs you." |
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NORM: "Afternoon, everybody." ALL: "Norm!" CLIFF: "Afternoon, everybody." All: [silence] |
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SAM: "What's the good word, Norm?" NORM: "Plop, plop, fizz fizz ..." SAM: "Oh no, not the Hungry Heifer ..." NORM: "Yeah, yeah, yeah ..." SAM: "One heartburn cocktail coming up." |
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SAM: "Whaddya say, Norm?" NORM: "Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink. And down it goes." |
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WOODY: "What's your pleasure, Mr Peterson?" NORM: "Boxer shorts and loose shoes. But I'll settle for a beer." |
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NORM: "Hey, everybody." ALL: [silence; everybody is mad at Norm for being rich] NORM: [carries on both sides of the conversation himself] "Norm!" "How are you feeling today, Mr Peterson?" "Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer." |
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WOODY: "Would you like a beer, Mr Peterson?" NORM: "No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass." |
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SAM: "How's life treating you?" NORM: "It's not, Sammy, but you can." |
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WOODY: "What's going on, Mr Peterson?" NORM: "A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert Beer Here.'" |
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WOODY: "Hey, Mr Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?" NORM: "Yep. Now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver." |
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SAM: "How's life treating you, Norm?" NORM: "Like it caught me sleeping with its wife." |
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SAM: "How's life in the fast lane?" NORM: "Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp." |
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COACH: "What's up, Normie?" NORM: "My nipples, it's freezing out there." |
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COACH:"How's life, Norm?" NORM: "Not for the squeamish, Coach." |
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COACH:"How's it going, Norm?" NORM: "Daddy's rich and Momma's good looking" |
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SAM:"What's new, Norm?" NORM: "Most of my wife." |
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COACH:"Beer, Norm?" NORM: "Nah - I'd probably just drink it." |
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(norm goes into the bar at Vic's Bowl-A-Rama) OFF-SCREEN CROWD:"Norm!" SAM: "How the hell do they know him here?" CLIFF: "He's got a life, you know." |
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WOODY:"What can I do for you, Mister Peterson?" NORM: "Elope with my wife" |
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(Norm is angry) WOODY:"What can I get you, Mister Peterson?" NORM: "Clifford Clavin's Head" |
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WOODY:"How's life, Mister Peterson?" NORM: "Oh, I'm waiting for the movie" |
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WOODY:"What's happening, Mister Peterson?" NORM: "The question is, Woody, why is it happening to me?" |
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WOODY:"What's the latest, Mister Peterson?" NORM: "Zsa-Zsa marries a millionaire, Peterson drinks a beer. Film at eleven." |
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WOODY:"How are you today, Mister Peterson?" NORM: "Never better, Woody. ... Just once I'd like to be better." |
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WOODY:"Hey, Mister Peterson. What would you say to a cold one?" NORM: "See you later, Vera - I'll be at Cheers." |
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SAM:"Well, look at you. You look like the cat that swallowed the canary." NORM: "And I need a beer to wash him down." |
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(in the episode "Home is the Sailor" the bar is completely changed since Sam sold it and went sailing around the world) NORM:"Afternoon, everyone" WOODY: "Norm!" (no one else speaks) NORM: "That was it, Woody. Last Chance. I'm out of here." |
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NORM:(comes in pretending to be an anonymous customer during operation Wayne down the Drain) "This looks like a nice, friendly tavern. What the heck. I think I'll give it a chance." CUSTOMER: "Norm! NORM: "Not now, you idiot!" |
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(in the episode The Two Faces of Norm, Norm tries to prove that he is not Anton Kriedtzer NORM: "Afternoon everyone!" ALL: "Anton!" |
SAM: "What can I get you, Norm?" NORM: (scratching his beard) "Got any flea powder? - Ah, just kidding - Gimme a beer: I think I'll just drown the little suckers." |
WOODY: "Nice cold beer coming up, Mister Peterson" NORM: "You mean: 'Nice cold beer going down Mister Peterson." |
SAM: "What do you know there, Norm?" NORM: "How to sit. How to drink. Want to quiz me?" |
WOODY: "How would a beer feel, Mister Peterson?" NORM: "Pretty nervous, if I were in the room." |
WOODY: "Hey, Mister Peterson! What's up?" NORM: "The warranty on my liver." |
(Norm returns from feeding the parking meter) SAM: "What'll you have this time, Norm?" NORM: "A cow if I have to climb those stairs one more time." |
(The Cranes are concerned that Frederick has not yet said his first word) NORM: "Afternoon, everybody! " FREDERICK: "Norm!" LILITH: "He said Mommy!" |
(in Bad Neighbor Sam, The bar clientele has turned yuppie) BRADLEY: "Ciao, gang!" ALL: "Bradley!" |
SAM: "What can I do for you, Norm?" NORM: "Open up those beer taps and, oh - take the day off, Sam." |
SAM: (answering the phone)"Cheers!" [to the bar] "Hey, guys, it's Norm!" [holds up receiver] ALL: "Norm!" SAM: [to phone] "Hey, what's shakin', man?" [to gang] Where does he come up with these things?" |
SAM: "What's going on, Normie?" NORM: "My birthday, Sammy. Give me a beer, stick a candle in it, and I'll blow out my liver." |
WOODY: "Hey, Mister P. How goes the search for Mister Clavin?" NORM: "Not as well as the search for Mister Donut. Found him every couple of blocks." |
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COACH: "What can I do for you, Norm?" NORM: "I'm gonna need something to kill time before my second beer ..... How 'bout a first one." |
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WOODY: "Hey, Mr. Peterson, you got room for a beer?" NORM: "No, but I am willing to add on." |
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WOODY: "Hey Mr. Peterson I'm a Leo, what does my horoscope say?" NORM: "Young bartender should refill mug of thirsty patron in corner bar." WOODY: "These things are so vague, they can apply to anybody." |
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CARLA: "No, I thought it might be a good idea to have a beer first." NORM: "Yeah, I find that pretty much applies to everything." |
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CLIFF: "So ... hey ... Normy. So how is business going?" NORM: "Lousy, Cliffy. I've been so damn busy painting, I haven't had time to stop in here and visit with my best friend." CLIFF: "I missed you too, you big lug." NORM: "Yeah, actually Cliffie, I meant Mr. Beer!" |
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NORM: "Well, bars can be very sad places. Some people spend there whole lives in the bar. Just yesterday, some guy sat right next to me for 11 hours." |
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(Kelly, the rich and naïve girl-friend of Woody, is temporarily working as a waitress) NORM: "Kelly, can I have a beer please ?" KELLY: "Ok, let me go get Woody." NORM: "Oh no, you don't need Woody. Come on, I show you how it's done. Take a glass, stick it underneath this white lever here. Ok? Voila, you have a beer. Now there's a black book underneath the cash register, it says Norm's tab." KELLY: "You mean this one here with all these little marks on it?" NORM: "Now, Kelly, each one of these little marks represents a beer that I purchased in advance. Every time I order one you have to take this eraser and you erase one of these little marks. Don't forget to erase now, I don't want any free beers." KELLY: "Ok, Mr. Peterson." NORM: "Thank you." CLIFF: "Unbelievable, I am in the presence of sheer genius." NORM: "Thank you Cliffie. Kelly, can I have another beer for my dear friend Cliff Clavin. What the heck, take it off my tab." |
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???: "Hey Norm, ready for the big opening?" NORM: "Yeah. It's right here, you can pour beer down it anytime." (my source for this did not include the name of the bartender - if you know it, please drop an email) |
Is it an exhaustive list? I am not sure - if you have one I don't have here, send it along and I'll add it: beerguy@arachnyd.com