Humor Pages
Warning Labels
Word is that the FDA is considering new warning labels to be placed on beer for the protection of consumers and to reduce instances of products liability litigation. Among the warnings being considered are:
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends assault your sorry ass.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to shay fings like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 o'clock in the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than the really, really big guy on the other side of the room.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause a flux in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon at fifty paces.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers which may further result in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.